Two things happen.

Two things happened . I don't know if they are related , but they feel like it. I'm going to write what I know about them . But they are very different and so I'm going to separate them by paragraphs.  So as to be more expository. One thing is a foggy place in my head . Where things are almost taking form , it is irresolute , quavering , unsure and open to suggestion and leading . The other is Interventional Radiology . Where things are more precise. And clear vision is important .
     I know when they brought me in to the medical place, I was bleeding internally . I was bleeding to death. I was swollen in my middle because I was bleeding so much. Again, bleeding to death . That happens. My friends gave blood . Lots of it. All they could. I love them. I took either 15 or 20 units of blood. My friends gave 26. I hope you have friends like that. Even the scared ones gave. That makes me smile. I will give now because of them.
     In my head it was dark, cool, almost cold, there was a back ground to my vision. A gray white fabric ,light like silk, it was moving always, with breath and vision , a gray , white cloud. Not too far or close , but I could see that I was breathing, soft, in rolls of white, and the motion, my thoughts would follow, to small vortexes of small thoughts.
     Looking at me, giving me blood , looking for wounds , Dr Cheung worked for 8 hrs. Keeping me alive, the blood and breath. She found small wounds in my abdomen , nothing big, not the killers. Sh e kept me alive. She gave me blood and breath.
     And the fabric rolled and rolled , gray , in small vortexes . I found a hole , it was my size. I could hide in it, I knew. The noise would stop, did I mention the noise ? It was cooler around the hole and the motion would stop, it was quiet , peaceful. I knew where I was. It was quiet there, cool and always would be . There would be no bother, pain or trouble. Quiet and cool , cool cool. It as silver and smooth and just my size .
     Dr. Cheung turned me over, the swelling there too. She needed to see. So she called for the next crew of life savers . Whose names I am seeking now. The Interventional Radiologists. They could see inside me. My kidneys, lungs, all those little places. There was lots of blood . I was bleeding all over my insides, in back. They could see, and pieced me in a couple places with their tiny wires with the hot ends. The hot ends that fry up the spots that are bleeding. They knew I was bleeding to death, and had to find the spots that were spouting , as my friends were giving. They had pictures , but so many levels , and just had to start where they were.
     This hole I mentioned , the quiet one. I knew I could slide in there. It would be so easy. No one ever to give me shit about anything ever again. And another notion too. That this hole would always be there. Is there still. And will be filled eventually. But there may come a time, when you might see the hole beckon, and not be able to reach it, for years. The hole is always yours , but they might try to keep you from it. I could go there now, on my own I knew. My own power, and not be stopped. That might not always be true.
     So the crew upstairs , Interventional Radiology, they are finding blood, and places spouting blood and their little catheters are frying them up , spot by spot , and the see my kidneys and a messy place
there. Lots of blood , lots to do. Lots of spots to fry. And my friends are lying down and eating cookies and drinking juice and giving me blood. And the folks with the screens and catheters are busy busy busy. And they are finding plenty to do but there's more more more .
     On this flowing gray fabric, where I see the silver hole , the quiet silver hole. On the gray rolling fabric, I see a spark. A gold spark, and when it hits the gray fabric it turns to green, like an emerald . A shiny green star. And then another one . A golden spark that turns to emerald green there on the flowing gray . And another , and another. They are warm. And they turn to notes of music. And the notes they play are warm notes, there is love behind them, lots and lots, like the blood my friends are giving. It's strong.
     Interventional radiology finds the big damage near my kidney . They seal it with their wires, all,of it ,  and the bleeding stops.
     And the music starts.